This story happened even before the Great Revision of Dovbaivka.
I was younger then.
The world seemed simpler.
And dumbasses are a less systemic phenomenon.
How wrong I was.
***
Friends came to visit me in Kyiv.
Friend from Kyiv.
Old Friend.
And a few more characters whom history decided not to mention by name.
We had a cultural vacation.
That is, at first they sat.
Then they drank a little.
Then some more.
Then they decided to walk around the area and talk about the eternal.
***
We walked along the alley.
The same.
Which separates some people from others.
Or one city from another.
Or common sense from its absence.
No one knew for sure.
***
It was already dark.
People with dogs were walking around.
Dogs walked with people.
Everything was harmonious.
Almost.
***
And then a small terrier flies out of the bushes.
The size of a badly fed hat.
Without a leash.
Without fear.
Without a life plan.
***
He runs up to the big dog.
And starts barking.
Rush.
To provoke an international conflict.
***
The big dog looked at him like an academic looks at comments on the Internet.
With sadness and misunderstanding.
***
Here the owner of the big dog could not stand it.
And said loudly:
- Can you hear me!
Put away your dumbass!
***
There was silence in the alley.
Even the terrier thought for a second.
***
- All kinds of people are walking here...
Put away your dumbass!
***
And it was at that moment that something strange happened.
Everyone around understood that it was not only about the dog.
***
The Old Shepherd of Dumbasses later said:
- This was the first documented case when the term "dumbass" went beyond the human species.
***
Since then, a new section has appeared in the Academy of Dumbassology.
Domestic dumbass.
Signs:
- makes noise for no reason;
- provokes conflicts;
- does not assess the consequences;
- confident in his own invincibility.
***
After long research, scientists came to the conclusion:
dumbassery is not genetically transmitted.
Does not depend on the breed.
Does not depend on education.
Does not depend on the size.
Sometimes even the opposite.
***
That evening we laughed for twenty minutes.
And then Friend from Kyiv said a phrase that was later engraved at the entrance to the Academy:
It doesn't matter how small your dumbass is.
It is important whether you keep him on a leash.
And it was hard to argue with that.